The Pimps, The Models, and Me (Important)

(I apologize in advance, as this is pretty freakin long, but I can't keep this in any longer if I'm to go on)

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This is a journal that I've wanted to write for months now, and with all of the recent drama and mess involving some of my friends over this past April Fool's Day, I want to just get it all off my chest once and for all.  The amount of negativity, misinformation, assumptions, and generalizations being thrown around is upsetting.  

I will only be writing this for those who know what I'm talking about, so I won't be tagging people or linking arts or anything to show what I mean.  If you don't know what's going on, then great for you, you managed to stay out of it.


I guess I'll just start at the beginning, back at the start of 2015.

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I, like anyone at the time, was a big fan of Hitlerspimp for his funny, random SFM animations in his "In the weekend" series.  He and I didn't know each other back then.  He was gaining popularity on YouTube for it, while I was starting out on DeviantArt by doing random GIFs and icons and things.  

I made a whole bunch of icons using memes from Hitlerspimp's ITW series, and they got spread and shared all over DA.  This is partly how his series got so much attention, thanks to everyone here on DA seeing the icons, coming to my page, and clicking on the video in the description.

Hitlerspimp noticed and appreciated what I was "doing" for him, and we got to talking and stuff.  I helped him learn a few YouTube tricks, like monetization and custom thumbnails.  I had been wanting to get into SFM myself just in general, so he was my final inspiration to actually get with it.  My earlier renders were inspired and dedicated to him.  He also decided to start doing posters, starting with just screencaps from his videos, and posted them onto DA, knowing that I'd built him a following here for him to come to.  I was then able to tag him directly in the icons I made, and together, we did our thing and people loved it.  

Hitlerspimp noted me as a "True Pimp" on his YouTube videos and recommended channel list, along with a couple of other people who have come and gone since then.  But essentially, it was him and I, as the original "Pimps".  I made an artwork about it, and even framed it and sent it to him, which he still has to this day.

~~~

As I got more experience with the SFM, my uploads and focus changed more to that, rather than GIFs and edits and icons.  I seemed to be more of a natural with SFM, thanks to my experience in other programs and with photography.  I was able to create my own unique "niche" in all of this, especially considering that at the time, no one was making SFM FNAF pics on DA then.  

I do remember, that one of my first DA bros, aka jupiterjumper2 aka Father Ferguson, was also getting into SFM at the time; he was just ahead of me in terms of ability, but he saw that I was also trying to learn, so we worked together to learn and we created (well he created) the Five Funky Nights at Freddy's animation series on YouTube, which ultimately ended up being the most viewed FNAF video of all time.

As my popularity and exposure grew on DA and YouTube..... I started to notice problems.  People were starting to care about me only for my name.... my popularity.... and what they could use me for.  The commenters on YouTube... just never seemed to be satisfied with what they had.  Always about "make more" and never actually appreciating a quality effort.  Seemed like a never-ending waste of time, to think about creating content that would be obsolete the instant it was uploaded.  

And then the friend requests..... omg.  Friend requests left and right.  I used to accept them all, but then I noticed how people were just using me for their own gain.  "Hey, tell XXXXX to accept my friend request" or "tell me what you're doing in SFM" or "when are you doing to do XXXXX again" or ... the worst thing, I'd see them telling OTHER of my popular friends "hey I'm friends with gold94chica, so you should accept me!".  Etc.  

You wonder why people who get popular quickly, especially on YouTube, start to treat their fans poorly?  We literally go insane.  It turns you into a cynical, sarcastic monster.  I recognized it happening to me, and knew that it was completely against who I was and what I wanted to be as a person, so I ultimately deleted my YouTube content, as the place was turning me into something horrible.

~~~

ANYWAYS.... so, right.  As I got more "noticed" as an SFMer, and as I noticed these problems of being popular, I was able to reach out to other people in my situation.  People like Mr. Jericho, Nikson, and GTApsycho.  Jericho was the closest with me at the time, and he helped introduce me to the other two, as the three of them were a little team on their own.  It was just pure coincidence that I was Chica, the missing character, from the group.  PURE coincidence.  But, we all got along and had a lot in common, and we were all great friends.  

As we talked, I learned that they were also inspired by Hitlerspimp.  Nikson, Jericho, and GTA were already in suits, as their own characters, it was only me who adapted the suit when I met Hitlerspimp.  So, since I was already friends with him, I suggested to both sides that I could bring us 5 together.  Everyone agreed, so we made a new Skype group for us 5.  Since Hitlerspimp already had a term for his friends, AKA pimps, and since I was already adapted to the name, and since we were all coincidentally wearing the same suit... we officially became the 5 pimps.  It's just that we all 5 had so much in common, that we easily formed a tight group on Skype, and supported each other.

~~~

As time went on, other people were able to rise up in the skills of SFM animating and create names for themselves.  Some of these people had already been around, but they were in their own world, doing their own thing.  I was able to reach out to them, and kinda pull them alongside the group, knowing we all had things in common.  Some of the other guys brought their friends along too.  This is how other members, such as Malohn, Murder of Crows, Father Ferguson, Trycon, and MrRaweee got added (sorry I'm didn't mention the long list of all of you who got added, these are just some examples).  

We were all very talented in SFM, all popular enough for people to know our names.... and probably most importantly, we all struggled the same with the challenges of being popular and hounded by thousands of "fans".  The pressure to please these fans, and to feel like we aren't a complete failure, is SO hard, and is something that we each struggle with every single day, still.

Anyways..... so, it was never really "official" or "canon" that these other people were actually pimps or not.  I never really considered anyone other than us original 5 as pimps, but it didn't really matter.  We were a group of friends who had everything in common, and it was great.  The name was just a name.

The problem became when the PUBLIC learned about us and started to ruin it.  Everyone was trying to BE a pimp, either by asking directly, or putting their own character head on a suit like us.  Us pimps were already rather "turned off" by the community as a whole in the first place, due to the issues I mentioned earlier.  It's just so impossible to know what someone's intentions are, and since being used and abused by fans/people hurts too much, it's just easier to be completely turned off and shut the door and say no to everyone.  But doing so hurts the genuine fans, but since the door is closed, we can't even see it.  It creates a huge distance and disconnect between the pimps and their fans, and as you've seen lately, that can cause a bit of an issue, and bad publicity.

This negativity and bad publicity caused us all to start hating what it meant to be a pimp..... because the fans changed what it meant.  It was no longer just a group of friends who shared things in common, privately, but now, it was some public status symbol, and we were elevated to some kind of god status, and something to be achieved.  Do you think it feels good for us to have to say "no you can't be a pimp"?  Of course not!  We just wanted to be left alone to be normal..... but nooooo.  So, over time, we have just kinda ignored the concept of "the pimps" and left it alone, but unfortunately, the truth has never really been put out there, until now.

~~~

I personally put away my pimp suit many months ago.  It will not change the fact that I am, and will always be, one of the 5 original pimps.  Nikson was the next to follow, but for other reasons.  You see, Nikson has his life, he's busy with school and his hobbies, and he doesn't have such a need for socialization.  He never abandoned or used anyone.  In fact, Nikson is one of the people to this day who I can have the most amazing conversations with about anything.  He's incredibly mature, and for the accusations to be thrown against him recently, was totally unfair.  However, those were all just due to misunderstandings and lack of communication, so they are understandable and forgivable, and everyone moved on.  

~~~

ok so I'm getting out of order..... so much to say.... so much on my chest for so long.... ugh


I'm going to back up a little again, before the Nikson thing, to last year.  Back to the pimps, to the skype group.  Eventually, the group got to almost 20 people!  It was like... anyone could join in, even if they weren't friends with everyone, even if they didn't do SFM, or they weren't popular, or they didn't have their own name established, or they didn't have their own FNAF character in a suit.  They were not "pimps" in essence, however, they were our friends, and great people.  So, they were all wonderful to have around.  However, the term "pimp" was essentially dead.

~~~

Everything_Animations was one of the people in this group at the time, and yes, he did models back then (and still does).  We are all great friends together, and he's a very important and integrated member of our group, like everyone is. As a group of friends, there is a LOT of stuff that we do for each other.  Such as, SFM pics, animation, models, art doodles... things that are meant for us, and only us.  This is a natural and perfectly normal way to be in a private group of friends.  

However, when the idea came around for EA's FNAF1/2/3 models to only be given to certain "trustworthy" people... that's when I realized that things were going to get out of hand fast.  This was about in September 2015.  We all got the models then, and then when CERTAIN people... NOT everyone in the group, not ALL of the "pimps", started using them, and then people got jealous and felt like they also deserved the models.  This fed into the problem, causing certain triggers in those certain members, who responded with even more fuel to the fire, really enjoying the salt.

It was at this moment that I knew I could not participate.  I deactivated on DA, I left the skype group, and was officially done with the FNAF fandom and pictures.  No more.  I was 29 years old, I had a real life, and was letting myself get turned into a monster.  My other hobbies were neglected, and I was not feeling like the responsible adult I should be.  So, I simply took a break to get my own life back in order, and later returned to the group a month or two later when I was over myself.  But I was not going to use those models or make any more FNAF pictures..... not for a while.

Fast forward to this year.  The Skype group is all nice and chill once again ... the FNAF fandom seems like it's evened out (Undertale took lots of the trash and attention away from us, and the reality of FNAF being over was basically old news).  It seemed like I could actually start to make FNAF content again without it putting me in the middle of mess and drama, and I could feel free to do what I wanted.  

The feeling within me to want to make FNAF pics again grew for a long time, until finally, I was inspired by EA's April Fool's "prank".  As with before, Everything_animations distributed a model for us to use, and I thought it was the perfect opportunity to start doing what I do best again.

However (since I'm a bit slow with things), some of the other guys got their pics out before I had a chance to even start.  The negative backlash reaction was almost instant, and I knew right then, that nothing had changed.  

Here I was, ready to join the fandom again, and the very same day, the things that made me leave in the first place came right back into my face.

~~~

But.......... what people don't understand.... is... well, a lot of things.

EA did NOT give us the real, genuine, amazingly accurate Springtrap model he made.  It simply is not compatible with SFM.  So, he "dumbed" it down to the point where it was no better than any other model.  BUT.... it was not MEANT to be great.  The ONLY point of this ENTIRE thing was simply for a joke.  

EA just gave us the model really quickly so that we could make some quick teaser images for his steam workshop page.  That's IT.  There was never any intention of this model being a big deal, or being "kept" by only us, or anything.  

EA is still the ONLY one who can do proper pics with his own model.  And, from what I know, EA has NO intention of actually porting the model properly to SFM, not for the Pimps or anyone.  So, it was really a misunderstanding for people to get upset about in the first place.


THEN.... what followed created so much confusion for those involved in creating the mess, and things were said in the upset that followed.  Every single one of us, including Hitlerspimp, feels absolutely terrible for this.  Yes, Hitlerspimp contributed to the salt, but he has his reasons for it.  Reasons that no one can understand or know, because of his own issues.  

It's not just about his money or health.  It's also his family, the way he's had to LIVE for so long, has killed his ability to feel properly, and he's basically become someone who just wants to sit back and watch the world burn.  The "salty" video, the posters... none of those would have been created if people didn't have such a negative salty reaction to them in the first place.

It's a sad place for someone to be, but you have to realize, that everyone is the way they are for a reason.  You can't judge a person so quickly.  But on the other hand, Hitlerspimp can't trust any of his fans, for the reasons I mentioned earlier.  He can't just treat some fans better than others, because we don't know WHO to trust, who has good intentions.  It's impossible.  SO, everyone just gets lumped together and brushed off.  

For someone like him, he doesn't feel worthy of inspiring anyone, and so it's just a very self-defeating way of existing.  You have to understand, and not even I can explain it properly.  There's really nothing that anyone can do about it, it just is what it is.  

~~~

But to see people hating on on each other, both ways, has always caused me upset, because this is NOT what I'm about.  I didn't bring together the Pimps and create a group that would have ultimately turned into all of this. (that skype group was my "baby" so to say, and this mess because of it has broken my heart for half a year)

I'm about uniting people, solving problems, making people happy, and spreading love.  For me to be a pimp now, it basically goes against my character, even though it started off with the best intentions.

So, to see everyone hating on "the pimps" now because of this April Fool's joke, is really painful.  No one actually knows who "the pimps" are, so by throwing random hate all over the place, you're affecting more people than you realize.  

Times like these make me feel like such a failure, and like everything I've tried to do has been for nothing, seeing that our community is just as broken and divided as ever.  If I can't make a difference here, then I will move on and find another place where I belong, because I really don't want to feel like I'm wasting my life.

Unfortunately, this is really bad timing for me, and is really the latest "straw" for lots of events that have been happening to me... my online life is literally daily drama, all over the place.  I've become so distanced from it, just staying offline, to the point where I've pretty much lost all feeling and connection to anyone.  I've totally neglected all of my friends and loved ones, and have been too dead to care or have a meaningful conversation with anyone.

~~~

OK now I'm just rambling.  To get back to the point..... the Pimps.  

"The Pimps" do not exist anymore; "The Pimps" is dead.  

There is no such thing as a "pimp", there is nothing to aspire to, there is nothing to be.  

So, people can stop talking about "the pimps" and stop trying to BE a "pimp" because it simply does not exist, and it hasn't existed for MONTHS.  And I haven't been able to talk about it or anything until now, because FINALLY... now the others in my group are seeing what I've seen all along.  This isn't to say that others haven't also seen it, but now, we are ALL finally on the same page and ready to make this official.  

To clarify, the things that others have been saying (ie GTApsycho and Malohn) about not being a "pimp" anymore is NOT them saying that they are leaving our group, or breaking up with us.  All they mean is that they've seen how cancerous it has been to BE considered a "pimp".... the negativity, the monster, the everything.  

It doesn't mean that you won't see us in suits anymore, but it DOES mean that the word "pimp" is OFFICIALLY DEAD.  NO MORE, IT'S TIME TO STOP.  

Our group does NOT have a new name, because we will NOT be labeled again in such a way that people can throw blanket hate at all of us at once, or think that we are all a singularity to which one can aspire to be.  We are 16 unique individuals, all with our own strengths, weaknesses, talents, and contributions.  

I'm going to go ahead and tag us all right now, just so that everyone knows just how varied we are.  (Note, that this list does change, and only represents a current snapshot of our group.  Over time, people are added, removed, and leave.  I deeply regret that I cannot tag the people who have left or been removed from the group in the past, as I miss their presence and contributions while they lasted).

               

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Now that all of that is off my chest..... I want to thank everyone who's stuck with me through all this time, through all the mess, through all of the ups and downs.  Together, and only together, will we pull through and make a difference.  

I know that everyone in my skype group that I just mentioned is united in wanting to move on and make improvements, so I'm asking all of you, also.  This is not just a singular event from April Fools, this is a huge, ongoing problem that is tearing us all apart as a fandom, and it's time to stop.... if I am to come back.

~~~

Drama like this is especially hard on me, because I can't actually take a side.  I have friends on both sides, every single time.

Part of what eats me alive is that I can't be friends with everyone anymore... I get in trouble for it.  Not only can I no longer trust people's intentions when they want to be my friend or try and request me on steam.... but if I'm friends with someone, then they are bugging my other friends to accept them also, and then my friends are just like "omg Toby why did you accept them" lol.  

I'm sorry... I just like having friends maybe?  Maybe I've never HAD a friend before in my life?  Maybe it's nice that people actually care about me and want me?  

You all see.... us "pimps"... .we are no better than anyone else... we aren't special... we aren't gods.  We are just a bunch of lonely people, hated by society and real life who can't fit in anywhere else.  People who somehow, found themselves in a position of popularity because of random chance.  We don't know WHAT to do with it... we aren't celebrities, and we don't know HOW to deal with sudden popularity.  

It's so hard.... so much to balance, so much pressure and stress, so many priorities, it really kills us.  We love what we do, but JEEZ!  Can we get a break?  No, we really can't.  We just want to be allowed to do our thing that we love, without feeling like we're not living up to some expectations or disappointing people or triggering salt and hate and cancer and everything wrong with the world today.

~~~

As much as I'd love to watch everyone, subscribe to everyone, follow everyone, add everyone on steam/skype/wherever.... I simply can't.  Please do not take it personally if I don't add you or accept you or return some favor.  I literally cannot.

I stay offline on steam all the time now because I can't deal with it.  I watch so many people here on DA that I can't even see a single picture that anyone uploads, because there are simply too many.

It's just all going into my feeling like a failure, and like I'm just too old for this, and it's time to move on and give up.  

To think that there's someone that I've crushed because I didn't accept their friend request, or someone that hates me now because I blew them off, is just too much for me to handle.  It hurts me just as much, or more, as it hurts you.  I can only hope, that over time, we will be able to connect.  

Please have patience... we are all trying our best.  Together we will move forward, and hopefully, this will be a turn around for us all in a positive way that helps us all be on the same, level playing field once again.  A wake up call, to say.

~~~

Also, I owe an apology to these three people for being absent during this time, I hope you can understand and forgive me.    (and even too, I haven't been very nice or fair to you at all)  So many of you DO need me, and I DO make a huge difference in your life, and so it really kills me when I'm dead inside and unable to be there for you, thanks to just non stop drama.

~~~

Ah well, thanks for making it this far.

Comment down below if you made it... if you understand... if you care... anything.  Ask questions; I have nothing to hide.

1 fav = 1 me not killing myself for potentially wasting 4 hours typing this. lol

Until next time, 
~